Communication
There are a ton of things that parents can do to communicate better with their teenage children. Their teenagers can also do plenty of different things in order to communicate better with their parents. The most important things about communicating with their teenagers and teenagers with their parents are actually listening to what they have to say and being completely and a hundred percent honest.
First off, both the parents and their teens need to listen to what each other have to say about the issue being discussed. You have to be willing to listen to what either person is saying and actually try and see where the person is coming from. And when a question is asked they should actually do their best in trying to answer the question and not just give some lame excuse like “you won’t understand” or “I’m the parent, so I don’t have to explain myself to you.” Things like that don’t help the situation at hand. I know that my dad says that just makes me want to completely stop listening to him and that since he doesn’t think that he should explain himself than either should I. Plus if I’m not allowed to do something I would like to know why just in case I decide to do it anyways. Also its very frustrating when the parent asks a question and answers it with what they think is true and they never give you the chance to actually answer the question.
Listening is also a huge part of communicating. Listening doesn’t just mean that you just sit there while another person is talking to you; it involves more of trying to understand. You actually have to take in what they’re saying and not just think about what you’re going to say next. Every time I talk to my mom I know she doesn’t listen to what I have to say because she’ll start something about what I said five minutes ago when we’re on a completely different subject. It seems like all that she focuses on is what she is going to say next no matter what I say.
According to parentingteen.about.com there are five key steps to mastering active listening. First you should stop whatever you are doing. Next you have to actually look at the person who is speaking. Then you need to give your full a hundred percent attention. The fourth step is to listen to what is being said and actually think about it. The last step that the website lists is that after the person is done saying what they need to then you can make comments.
Also the parents shouldn’t jump to conclusions based off what they did when they were teenagers. Just because my dad had friends that did drugs and drank and drove doesn’t mean that’s what my friends are doing. And it’s also kind of insulting that he would think that I’m that dumb to get in the car with someone who really shouldn’t be driving. But I guess teenagers also need to realize that their parents know what it’s like to be a teenager, even if it was twenty-five years ago. Since they were teenagers at some point they can sometimes relate and can somewhat understand. I know that my dad isn’t completely stupid when it comes to what I do because I know that he’s probably done it before.
Another thing that I think is a key issue with communicating between parents and teenagers is honesty. Teenagers need to be completely honest with their parents and parents need to return the favor. If you don’t lie to your parents then they have no reason at all to not trust you. That builds a better relationship between parents and their children and makes communicating so much easier. Since I always tell my mom the truth no matter what it is, she gives more room to do what I want because she knows that I will call her and tell her if anything goes wrong and let her know where I am and what I’m doing. And parents need to be honest about what they are feeling so that there is no confusion. My dad never says how he is feeling so it’s hard to tell what if he’s mad or disappointed or anything. Since he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings he doesn’t think that I should talk about mine. But I don’t think that anything will be solved if we don’t discuss what is going on. I would also feel a lot more comfortable telling him things if he would communicate his feeling. Instead he pretty much has two emotions; happy and very angry. And that is incredibly frustrating and then I don’t want to talk to him at all.
Along with being honest and practicing active listening you also need to stay positive and try not to turn every discussion into a argument when it’s really not necessary. According Eckerd Academy you should try and “resist the urge to harp on faults and mistakes.” If you only focus on the negative parts of the discussion then the whole conversation turns negative also. And teenagers like to be recognized but the positive things not just all the mistakes that they make.
Basically, communicating can be difficult when anyone, not just between parents and teenagers, it’s anyone that doesn’t listen and is completely honest and stay positive. Not every discussion needs to be turned into an argument. And communicating becomes so much easier when you build trust and don’t feel like you need to hide anything like feelings and emotions.
The Website That I Used
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1. Increasing Communication between Parents and Teenagers
2. Ten Communication Strategies for Parents of Teens
3. Communication Skills for Parents
4. Communication Skills for Parents: Active Listening
5. Communication between Parents and Teens: 10 Ways to Talk to Your Teen
